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Pride and Prejudice in a Nutshell

‘Marry well’, is Bennet tenet:

Bingley singly must remain

Since classy Darcy (Lizzy-dizzy)

thinks he’s far too good for Jane.

Rummy mummy, jaunty aunty,

these would drag both gallants down —

Plus the younger siblings’ dribblings

over officers in town.

See the specious Wickham trick ’em

with his tales of birthright gloom,

See how hideous Lydia’s ruin looms

before she gets her groom;

Classy Darcy saves the bacon,

shaken out of former pride:

Is he Lizzy’s destined love,

to shove her prejudice aside?

Has she clout to flout that matron,

patroness of priestly coz

(He whose ludicrous proposing Rosings rules — like all he does)?

Darcy oughter court her daughter, destined his through two decades…

“Mulish, foolish girl, remember Pemberley’s polluted shades!’

Dare she share his great estate, or can’t Aunt Catherine be defied?

Yes! and ere the bells ring jingly, Bingley too shall claim his bride.


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Written by Mary Holtby, and published in How to Become Ridiculously Well-Read in One Evening, compiled by E. O. Parrott (Viking, Penguin Books, 1985)

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